A Dirge of Sleep

Friends and neighbours:

Could someone out there please tell me if it's normal for sleep to be so elusive three months before the baby pops out? Is it some evolutionary phenomenon ensuring new parents are ready for the demands of their latest addition by preventing them from sleeping - almost a "trial run", if you will?

I am exhausted.

Last week, I was sucking down sleeping pills. Even though the nights were dreamless, at least I'd put in a few hours before headed back to work.

Not now, though.

At the moment, I'm fighting to keep my eyes open.

It might have something to do with me quitting cigarettes. I stopped smoking on Christmas Eve last year and have managed not to touch so much as one since.

But I've never been in worse shape. Before, I'm sure any infection entering my body was incinerated before it could take hold. Now, I've developed a hacking cough that would probably fit right in at an emergency room at a coal mine - or an asbestos plant - and it feels chillingly like my childhood asthma has come back for round two.

Nearly every coughing fit comes with a prize. It feels as though my body's trying to expell whatever bronchioles are left in there. Last night, around 4:15, as I lay wondering whether I'd ever sleep again, it slowly dawned on me that perhaps quitting was the stupidest thing I've done this year (so far, that is).

I don't know - I'm struggling to find any upside. Yes, it's true that my food's gained new flavour. It's also true that, as a result, my waistline's hovering at the 102 cm mark.

Sometimes there just doesn't seem to be a possible victory of any kind - not even moral.

Anyhow, I spent a while in Morgan's room last night. It really does look completely different to the "spare room" it once was.

It's cozy in there. And the Winnie-the-Pooh decal and plush toys seem to just encourage the rush of excitement overwhelming me whenever I think about my son - which is at least twice every hour.

Is that natural too? I've never wanted a kid. At least, I never thought I did. But now Morgan's on his way, it seems like I've never wanted anything more.

Mmm. That lack of sleep I mentioned seems to have turned me into a bit of a philosopher. So, before I become too Socratic, I'm going to sign off.

Please - anybody out there who's been through the same thing - I'd appreciate some input.

Ciao